This last month, waiting has been difficult. I've learned about myself that when there is nothing to do to progress the adoption I am fine. I am able to go on with my life like a normal person. When I am waiting for an e-mail I feel like I am also waiting to choose her name and waiting to start decorating her room, waiting to book flights, start a life book, and waiting to hold her.
Because of recent e-mails, we are greatly reconsidering Taiwan Xi En, and at this point are holding very loosely our own plans, and are clinging to His instead. We also are waiting for a reply that could decide where are daughter will be rooted. We already had this part figured out and that is why we once again are reminded this is not our plan, but our journey.
When I'm waiting, we're all waiting because I process the majority of my thoughts out loud. I've caught up on every blog, every facebook page, any resource having to with a related adoption story and still haven't heard back. I am learning patience. Over the last week though my anxiousness had subsided and God has given me that peace. Today there were posts and statuses and I no longer feel like everything stopped. The best thing though was when my little man came in my room and declared, "My baby sister needs a new toy. Maybe a bigger one, for when she gets bigger." Insert my thoughts-"A bigger toy like one you'd like to play with...?" But he continued with questions, "Will we get to keep her when she's big?" "Yes, we get to keep her forever." "Like for Christmas and Easter?" "Yes,we get to keep her forever." "Like until she's this big?" "Yes, we'll get to keep her forever, just like we get to keep you forever." (Later he was distracted by the Caillou theme song, an episode which was about Chinese New Year!)
Speaking of forever, My hubby's brother got married this weekend, and I was with my soon-to-be-sister-in-law the day before. She was different than other bride's I've spent time with because even though she was so excited to be with the one she loved the most, she also was calm because she knew she would have her entire life to be with him. God-willing, as she would say.
As I write this I realize the same; I can't wait to be with our daughter and there is peace in the reassurance that, "Yes, we will get to keep her forever!"
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