Waiting: The Eb and Flow

This last month, waiting has been difficult. I've learned about myself that when there is nothing to do to progress the adoption I am fine. I am able to go on with my life like a normal person. When I am waiting for an e-mail I feel like I am also waiting to choose her name and waiting to start decorating her room, waiting to book flights, start a life book, and waiting to hold her.

Because of recent e-mails, we are greatly reconsidering Taiwan Xi En, and at this point are holding very loosely our own plans, and are clinging to His instead. We also are waiting for a reply that could decide where are daughter will be rooted. We already had this part figured out and that is why we once again are reminded this is not our plan, but our journey.

When I'm waiting, we're all waiting because I process the majority of my thoughts out loud. I've caught up on every blog, every facebook page, any resource having to with a related adoption story and still haven't heard back. I am learning patience. Over the last week though my anxiousness had subsided and God has given me that peace. Today there were posts and statuses and I no longer feel like everything stopped. The best thing though was when my little man came in my room and declared, "My baby sister needs a new toy. Maybe a bigger one, for when she gets bigger." Insert my thoughts-"A bigger toy like one you'd like to play with...?" But he continued with questions, "Will we get to keep her when she's big?" "Yes, we get to keep her forever." "Like for Christmas and Easter?" "Yes,we get to keep her forever." "Like until she's this big?" "Yes, we'll get to keep her forever, just like we get to keep you forever." (Later he was distracted by the Caillou theme song, an episode which was about Chinese New Year!)

Speaking of forever, My hubby's brother got married this weekend, and I was with my soon-to-be-sister-in-law the day before. She was different than other bride's I've spent time with because even though she was so excited to be with the one she loved the most, she also was calm because she knew she would have her entire life to be with him. God-willing, as she would say.

As I write this I realize the same; I can't wait to be with our daughter and there is peace in the reassurance that, "Yes, we will get to keep her forever!"

A little more trust (and a little more us)

The last email I received from Taiwan said that we were near the top of the list to receive not a referral but an application. From said application it would take 1-3 years for a referral. Well we weren't actually close to the top of the list, we are at the top of the list, and so i'll be filling out another application today. There are a few complications and details to be sure of, but in the mean time, why not fill out another form that might lead us to our daughter. It feels kind of weird, to just switch countries. While quite fairly on the other hand, there is just peace in trusting that God knows our daughter; born or not yet, Vietnam or Taiwan, orphanage or foster home, what special needs she may have, how old she'll be when we receive her picture. All of these unknowns should make someone like me (a control freak who itemizes her Christmas list so there are little to no unknowns...) not even enter a journey like this. But i'm excited. So excited. Because I know she'll be perfect, and I know she'll be ours. A gift from God.
I've picked up a few things for her, as we come across important milestones on our journey to her (or as we come across really great deals). My justification of course, is to not have to buy everything when we get a referral or even after we meet her to know her true size (Toms shoes?).
                                                           
                                                                    


This application feels like a milestone kind of. When we first got on the list to wait for an application, we were so excited and then Taiwan's adoption process went through some major changes, which slowed some things down alot. So we hold it all loosely.We're just all pretty excited to have our little here in our home. Even the big bro includes her in our (his) future plans... "When my baby sister comes home, we should go to Disney Land!" He used to try wrapping his head around when that would be. When we did our home study visits, he thought our social worker was going to bring her on our last visit. So we tried explaining that she probably wouldn't be home until he was in Kindergarten. Then he wanted to grow up faster (and even kind of felt bad that he couldn't) so she could come home. Now that all things adoption are paper work and waiting, we try not to talk to him about it. My good friend, who has adopted twice, told me it may take as long as he's been alive, for her to come home. Good perspective.

Last thing. I'm obviously very new to blogging. And in my experience, no one's experience is the same and so it's hard to find a that resonates closely enough to my own. That's why I share. It seems not many Canadians adopt from Taiwan, and no one who is currently adopting from Vietnam is writing about it.  What does it mean to adopt from the special needs list? Matt and I are very blessed to have a community of adopted and adoptive friends who have a plethora of experience who we can talk to. I am grateful for that and am happy to share our experience with anyone who wants it.

No Straight Path

Isn't it funny that the day I record our adoption journey that we'd get an e-mail from the orphanage in Taiwan saying that we're almost at the top of the list for the application. I still am pretty sure that Vietnam is the way to go for us, but you never know with adoption. I always say its like waiting in line at the grocery store, and you never know which line will actually go faster. So unpredictable! So far there is peace in the wait and trust in the timing of everything. I'm sure when we are able to put a face to our little person the wait will be much more challenging :)

The beginning.... Sort of...

I probably should have started this blog a long time ago, perhaps years when we first started thinking about adoption, but here I am. Better late than never. My husband, my son and i are on a journey to bring our daughter home from Vietnam. We really have no idea of the timeline ahead, but we do know a timeline of what's happened so far. We're eagerly anticipating the day we meet our daughter (and baby sister) and in the mean time we live. Thanks for reading!